i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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