fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am one with the molecules
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
