I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
