I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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