don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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