do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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