The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
