she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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