We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
