this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
