Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
a search helicopter?!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
