Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
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