My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
