She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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