Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
