im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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