You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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