i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
