You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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