Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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