I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
