I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
