do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
