Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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