I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
