Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
