do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
