So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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