I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
