i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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