were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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