matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sex in the backyard? Check.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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