Swine flu. Run for my life!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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