you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
