I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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