I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
