The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
