i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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