You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
