Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
ok first of all what the fuck
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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