Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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