So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
