I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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