Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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