I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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