Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
