Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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