My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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