Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
