walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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